Attachment Theory

The Attachment Theory argues that a strong emotional and physical bond to one primary caregiver in our first years of life is critical to our development. Mary Ainsworth created the Strange Situation which is an experimental technique used to assess quality of attachment in infants and young children (up to the age of 2). The procedure subjects the child to increasing amounts of stress induced by a strange setting, the entrance of an unfamiliar person, and two brief separations from the parent. The reaction of the child to each of these situations is used to evaluate the security or insecurity of his or her attachment to the parent. Let me begin by defining the different categories of attachment theory.

Secure Attachment

Secure attachment, according to the American Psychological Association, is an adult attachment style that combines a positive internal working model of attachment of oneself, characterized by a view of oneself as worthy of love, and a positive internal working model of attachment of others, characterized by the view that others are generally accepting and responsive.

In the Strange Situation, is a positive parent–child relationship, in which the child displays confidence when the parent is present, shows mild distress when the parent leaves, and quickly reestablishes contact when the parent returns.

Insecure Attachment

Insecure attachment, according to the American Psychological Association, is characterized by a view of oneself as competent and worthy of love, and a negative internal working model of attachment of others, characterized by one’s view that others are untrustworthy or undependable. For the three different types, see dismissive attachment; fearful attachment; preoccupied attachment.

In the strange Situation, one of several patterns of a generally negative parent–child relationship in which the child fails to display confidence when the parent is present, sometimes shows distress when the parent leaves, and reacts to the returning parent by avoidance (see avoidant attachment) or with ambivalence (see ambivalent attachment).

So Why is Attachment Style so Important?

Let me start with a hypothetical situation.

Mr. and Mrs. Yang have four children. Terry, Michael, Matt, and Bri. The Yang's are very loving parents and are always there for their children. Unfortunately, one day, Mr. Yang gets very sick and passes away. Mrs. Yang now has to work full-time and manage to take care of all of her children.

Terry, who is 7-years-old, and has a more developed brain than his siblings, does not have a hard time adjusting to this. He knows that even though is mom is busy, that she still loves him and is there for him. Later he turns into a trusting and optimistic young man. His self image is positive. He is securely attached

Michael, who is 3, has problems coping with the new lack of attention. To Michael, his mother now acts unpredictably. He is anxious about their relationship, and as a result becomes clingy. To get his mom’s attention, he has to raise his emotional state and scream. When his mom finally reacts with a predictable response, he himself acts ambivalent and doesn't show his true feelings. Later in life, others think Michael is unpredictable or moody.

His self image is less positive. His attachment style is Anxious Ambivalent.

Matt, who is 2, spends lots of time being babysat by his grandfather who does not have much patience. If little Joe shows too much emotions or is too loud, his Uncle gets angry and sometimes punitive. This scares Joe. He learns that to avoid fear, he has to avoid showing his feelings also in other situations. As an adult he continues this strategy and has problems to enter relationships.

His image of himself is rather negative. His attachment style is Anxious Avoidant

Bri, who is 1-years-old, gets sent to a nursery. The staff there is poorly trained, overworked and often very stressed. Some are outright abusive. Amy therefore becomes anxious of the very people she seeks security from. This is a conflict which totally disorganizes her ideas about love and safety. As she is experiencing fear without resolution, she tries to avoid all social situations. As an adult she thinks of herself as unworthy of love.

Her self image is very negative. Her attachment is Anxious Disorganized.

So, all of these young, healthy kids from the same house and bloodline will now live completely different live. They will handle relationships very differently all because of who they were surrounded by within the first few years of life. Interpersonal relationships are very important in adulthood, and if they don't function well, then it can cause a lot more problems in other aspects of life. They might even have kids and not know how to care for them properly because they weren't treated right in their childhood.

Do you see where I'm coming from? Ensuring that children are cared for properly in their childhood can set them up to be a well-functioning adult who has happy relationships, understands themselves and others, and has a positive self-image.

What Can You do Differently as a Caregiver?

• Make sure your child knows they can get your attention when they’re feeling frightened, or want to share positive emotions. Emotional support is not just about when things go wrong. Responsiveness to their positive emotions is equally important.

• Notice how much reconnecting time your child needs with you before you get started on dinner after you get back from work. Don't just jump into other tasks when you haven't really spent any time with your child that day.

• If you mess up, apologize, but not excessively. Attachment style is fundamentally about trust. Consider how genuine apologies enhance trust in adult relationships. Apologies show that the apologizer cares about your feelings.

• Be cautious with how you decide to punish your child. Don't be quick to you physical force. Read from expert Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, to find effective ways to teach your child desirable behaviors.